Tuesday, May 6, 2014

Lessons

I was gob-smacked by love, blinded by love, and so just plain old totally in love with him.  And then I had to let him go.  A new man sauntered into my comfy agreeable life just six weeks ago and this morning he flew away with the angels and left me here to mend my broken heart.




My husband and I were sitting here just six weeks ago tonight watching the TV and we looked out the window and there was the most beautiful cat sitting on the grill looking in the window.  I went out to make friends. He was shy and scared and skin and bones.  I christened him Spooky and began feeding him.  He came back every night a little earlier and left the porch the next morning a little later every day.  I have no idea where he spent those first days but he spent every night outside the window tolerating viciously hurled insults from our two other cats who are inside cats.

I sat with him and held him every night in the dark on the porch and fell madly and deeply in love.  "Can I keep him please?" I begged my husband.  I knew we didn't need another cat especially one that went in and out, but he acquiesced and  I took him to the vet and got him all tested and vaccinated and hoped it would work out with my other cats.  I brought him in and put him in our spare bedroom that I use as an office and that was that.  He and I spent every night together and he was the perfect cat for me and I was the person he had been waiting for.  He trotted along side me every day when I would walk to work around the garage and over to the office. Trotted, just like a dog.  I had never a seen a cat do such a thing. My clients who could tolerate cats thought he was great and so did I.

Last week the cruel hand of fate dealt Spooky and me a terrible blow.  Out of nowhere Spooky became ill.  Fatally ill.  A high fever from out of the blue raged for 6 days in his still thin body.  Not Bobcat Fever which had claimed two of my other cats several years ago, but something beyond diagnosis, something malevolent and unknown.  Between two different vets and after countless tears  with no hope left, I had to let him go.  I couldn't stand to see him in pain and I didn't want to prolong his life if it was not meant to be.

Spooky taught me a lesson about the room in my heart for love.  Love is good.  I had so much to give him and he doubled it back to me in just six weeks and taught me so much more.  There is always room for love.

2 comments:

  1. I understand your pain. I, too, lost my cat four years ago to an unknown illness. I thought she was beginning to get better. She was still following me around. Then suddenly the other cat attacked her and kicked and bit and kicked. Her will was gone, and she left me. Before she died, she looked me in the eyes and meowed. It felt so painful. It still makes me cry to think about her.

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